The Feeling When You're Loving Someone

Valentine day is identic with "Love".
Yes lot of people in this world celebrate this day especially for a couple
They express their love with many ways.
For example they give flower or chocolate to each other, or have a romantic valentine dinner.
It's sweet ?
Well love is sweet after all.

At this year I don't celebrate valentine because I don't have a girlfriend at this time.
It's sad ? well actually I don't feel sad or desperate at all lol, even I forgot that today is valentine day until I saw lot of posts about valentine day at social media.
Instead, since this is valentine day, I think I just want to write some words of my thoughts about love.
There are lot kinds of feeling that you will have at the moment when you're falling in love.
Maybe I don't have a girlfriend at this time, but at least I still remember and I know how is the feeling when you're loving someone.
When you're falling in love, the person who you love will be looked more beautiful in your eyes than usual.
As a boy, I just feel that.
The face of the girl you love is looked more beautiful than the first time you met her.
You will see her as a very interesting person.
You will hope to spend so much time with the person you love.
She will be looked more beautiful than anyone else.

My way of loving someone is maybe different with many people.
At my current life, they "search" from the beginning.
Especially for many boys, they looked for a girl that maybe has a quite good face and suit to their type, and then they started to find the ways to get closer with their target.
Well I have to admit it that maybe with that way, people will get their love faster than my way.
But to be honest I never used that way even only once.
Whenever I see a girl that maybe has a pretty face, I still don't have any intention to trying make her became my love, since I never believe falling in love at first sight.
All the girls that I ever loved is a person that at the beginning I never think or expect to be a person that I love.
It takes a time until I fall in love with her.
How can it be like that ?
I think love is nurtured by the time I spent with her, indeed !
From just a person that you didn't know at all, became a person that you knew a little, became a friend, and finally became a person you love.
I think it was a very interesing change.

The power of falling in love is unpredictly very strong.
When it happens, sometimes you can do something that out of your mind.
Yes, maybe it happened to me just like that.
I often slept late only to have a late night conversation with her, and I think about her before I sleep, even when I have other big problem that disturbed my mind, there's still a little time that I think about her, I love her voice, and most of all I love her smile especially when she's smilling at me.
On her big day that she had to face her big challenge, I prayed for her, that's the first time I mentioned someone's name in my pray except of my family, and when I saw that she had passed her challenge, I became very glad and very happy although I couldn't come to her side at her important day.
It's really powerful when I remembered that time.
There are some moments that I still remember which make me feel confuse and smile sometimes when I remember myself at that time.

However I think love is more complicated now.
I just realize there are many factors that we have to consider about before having a love.
Religion factor, background factor, family factor, and most of all economy factor.
At the past I just consider about matching factor without considering those other factors, seemly immature of me yes.
That's why at this time, If I could control my feeling, I would like to choose to not loving someone..
I realize that my current situation is very imposibble to be falling in love, because with my current condition that's a big chance that it will only become a failure.
I just said the power of loving someone is very strong.
When your relationship is doing well, you will feel extremely very happy and you can smile a lot because of that.
But how about if it fails ?
You will become disappointed surely, and that pain can be very strong.
Yes, I just don't want to feel the failure in love again.
Eventhough I have such many beautiful memories, I have such a difficult time too.
I don't want to feel that painful feeling again honestly.
When I just can see the face of the person I love from social media because of the far distance, when I see there are so many people that can spend so much time with her but I just can meet her only just for a moment at many months, when I have to asked someone that better than me to help her because I couldn't help very much to solve her problem.
I won't feel sad if I don't have a girlfriend because indeed there's no one that I love.
But it really can make very sad if there's someone I love, but I just can't make a close relationship or have a chance to spend so much time her.
It's really something that as possible I don't want to feel again.

Sometimes I ask myself : "Can I have it ?".
Can I have that happiness, the blessing of mutual love,  a family, a gift in my life.
Will I be able to get married in the future ?
Since there are so many things that we have to fulfill in order to get all those happiness.
Whether I can find a mutual love and all those factors that I have mentioned above.
Me myself don't know at all since I can not predict my future.
Well I just hope that I can do my best to make my condition become possible to be loving someone.
Since I want to feel that very emotional and precious feeling again,
The Feeling When You're Loving Someone.

Well as the closing, I think I have to congratulate all people who celebrate this valentine day.
Happy Valentine Day:)

Regards